A Tormenting Struggle

I’ve been dreaming of the ambitions which I thought at some point of time were real; however they always turn out to be an illusion of my own dreams making them superficial. I’m clutching to the things what I had always strived upon; however they are always a consolation to my dreams never destined to be focused upon.

Do I think I’m ever going to find them? What the Hell; Grow up you Hypocrite, it’s running away from you since the time you have ever chased them. Have I ever sensed the boredom creeping into me evading me of my actual responsibilities? Well, the struggle within me has always secluded me to explore the infinite pool of unexplored numerous possibilities.

I have been caught into my own dark prison cell, what actually remains is just the struggle inside my own hell. Wake up and reach out for the things I’ve got to feel, as there is more to this world which is for real.

But what is that Dream that I’m chasing through? Have I ever wondered whether they will ever come true? Destiny, you have always casted shadows on my own action, building the coffin of my confidence to suffer it from its own suffocation. I always wondered if my actions could change the fate of my life, forgetting the true nature of this cruel world pushing me back through its horrific vibe.

As the spectrum of colors casted by the rainbow is always the sunshine escaping its way through dark clouds, my shadow tries to follow this escaping light, struggling through its way while winning over its own fight. Oh Dear Destiny, why have you left me so secluded, should I mercilessly believe that fate is the one which has always prided?

Every morning I wake up to a new dream, thinking the sunshine will cast a new impulse with its brighter beam. What seems is the nostalgia of my own haunting past; that screams waking me up to the known reality aghast.

Shout and Cry; utters my paining Heart which has bled to the agony of merciless phenomena of Life, taking me away from my own struggling self apart, however it’s never enough, as there is no limit to any rife.

I’m responsible for my own actions that I take for granted; the struggles caused are from the seeds which I myself planted. Oh Lord, I don’t want you to make this Life better, just give me strength to face this anguish which I can express through this open letter.


Shades of Autumn


God must have been definitely a Painter. The exuberance and joy exhibited in the nature by the fall colors all around us and the chill of the light wind streaming through on a silent autumn night always inculcates this nostalgia. The gravity of the mood is supplemented by the gravity of the earth attracting the falling leaves from the trees. The colors of nature painted by the God radiates such vibrant sound waves that even the leaves of the trees start blushing and turning red. The falling leaves around exhibits an incredibly nostalgic feeling which demonstrates the significance of the annual cascade of autumn leaves. Fall colors are so intensified and beautiful that basically the nature is trying to saturate the gaps in the human lives with such exuberant colors so that we all can accumulate them for the approaching muted and grey winter days.

The changing colors of the corn fields, the distant vision of the mist covered mountains, the soft chill of the breeze blowing the leaves of the trees which seem to be a blossoming flower themselves, the park benches covered with various shades of nature, stroll on the cobbled pavement painted with the shades of red and yellow, the cold misty morning sunshine escaping its way through the window shade, an unknown phenomena of nostalgia and when feeling become harder to say in words define in true sense the beauty of Autumn. Chirping of the birds in the morning sun, a cover of mist over the flowing river and the call of the nature to live for the moment as if there is no tomorrow cannot be expressed into words, it’s just a sheer inner pleasure and peace imparting meaningful essence to our empty lives as if it’s this year’s last smile spreading joy and pleasure all around.

A Pusuit of Agility

Agility is an ability to change the body’s position efficiently which requires the integration of isolated movement skills using a combination of balance, coordination, speed, reflexes, strength and endurance. When such characterstics of motion gets supplemented with velocity, it imparts the real thrust to one’s actual relative position. Recollecting my childhood memories, I always dreamt upon my collection of Sport Car models dreaming that one day…one day I might sit behind the wheels of the beastly machines speeding the throttle to the maximum limit and cruising through the unimaginable speed limits. It takes times to realize the realistic dreams as nothing is impossible when one’s aims and goals are oriented in the right direction with right perspectives in mind. The day arrived, an unforgettable moment when finally I got hold of a Porsche Panamera Sport E-Hybrid for a day.  A V6 Hybrid Engine rear wheel drive with a Combustion Engine (333 hp) and Electrical Machine (95 hp) providing the combined system power of 416 hp reaching 100 kmph in just 5 sec with top speed of 270 kmph.

German Autobahns are well-known across the globe for their no-limit speed zones and civilized and disciplined driving conditions among the citizens of the country. It would be quite ignorant not to cruise through the Autobahns on getting hold of a Sports Machine which can realize your dreams come true. When the sun set down with the Traffic curve reaching the lower segment of its Gaussian function curvature, I set out on the road to feel the vehicle dynamics through low-speed segment of the city roads before immersing myself into the feel of driving a Porsche. Once that feeling set in, the Direction SIgns directing me towards the Autobahn became too tempting to resist. The speedometer started rolling gradually on the Autobahn; however I was not noticing the speeds on my Speedometer as I was much focused on the traffic before the digits clocked 200 kmph on the IC within fraction of seconds. The adrenaline rush was too immense so the throttle was depressed to its max cruising limits before I clocked 250 kmph in the Sport Plus Driving Mode. It felt like a Blitzkrieg of lightning of the passing by cars leaving behind the tiny dots of flash lights vanishing in a flash of second to an invisible distance. Reaching back home late midnight after trying different profile of driving routes swinging between Electric Mode and Combustion Engine Mode to feel the Hybrid Power of the car, it was the moment to end an evening on an adventurous Note. Ah well, drifting was on the cards however due to rainy weather and wet road conditions, I considered to switch over to the Launch Control. Launching with the full throttle gave a sensation of seated myself in a cruising Jet moments before the takeoff touching the sky. Now, I could actually go to bed waiting for the dreams to take over the sensational evening experience.

It still feels like a dream, a reality implementation of cruising the Cars in Gran Tourismo on my PS3 Console. I could just go on to an infinite moment of time sitting behind those wheels and cruising to an unknown destination until forever. Porsche definitely stands up to its slogan ‘There is no Substitute’!! This blog article might sound naive to some of the readers who are already in this domain of work or have an experience of an adrenaline rush with such initiatives, however I always like to unleash the child within me when I come across such joyous moments or opportunities which are worth remembering or holding onto. Every tiny dream starts off with a vision in the mind imparting an impulse for a serious of actions from the basic foundation step leading to the exaggerating heights of unbounded desires of reaching a destination. Henceforth, it’s actually fair enough to hold on to such moments before one’s hope of eventually owning one of those beautiful machines gets realized in a real world, hopefully one day…hopefully!! Like stones rolling down the hill, achievable objectives and ideas eventually reach their destination despite all obstacles, hindrances and barriers.

Four Years and Counting….

Life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forwards. What we are today are essentially the products of the past but we don’t have to be prisoners of our own past. The journey began 4 years back with ambitions in the eyes, dreams in the mind and waiting for some unpredictable yet challenging transitions for achieving success which was not a destination but a journey towards fulfillment of my own self. The question that has always remained unanswered and still shadows the clouds of doubts on the virtual psychic boundaries: Was it actually worth the risk of leaving a smooth going and luxurious set life behind and taking up new challenges for the betterment of unknown future?

Life is all about risks, calculates risks for a better future prospects and accepting realistic challenges which might lead through the path of unknown challenges casting troubles at every step. The pain gets elevated through the burden of enormous and countless responsibilities bounded by the edges of monetary, social, career and personal aspects. The risk was enormous as I was always pondered upon with the virtue of imparting meaning to the life given the fact that it is not the years in the life that counts, it’s always the life in those years that counts the most. Priorities and Preferences when analyzed get segregated into short and long-term goals. But are we really that crystal-clear over our goals, ambitions, responsibilities and priorities during an early stage of this transition when our thoughts are most vulnerable to the external forces of nature trying to change their natural course of direction? Let’s analyze few essential criterions which form the foundation of this risk analysis.

Language: Man’s ability and efficiency to work and perform comes from his capability to communicate things in a right perspective. The impression of one’s personality is through the way one presents himself in terms of his actions, body language, speaking abilities and understanding his surroundings and social elements. Self-confidence to achieve excellence in every segment of life is shattered when another Tom, Dick or Harry is entitled to those privileges what you deserved but due to linguistic barriers and shortcomings could not achieve. Does that make you a loser? Not exactly, actually it makes you stronger because success after failure and hard work on overcoming your past barriers tastes sweeter. One doesn’t need to achieve perfection, excellence normally suffices.

Self-Independence: Due to cultural diversity, adversity and habitual characteristics, we are programmed either to be self-dependent or rely on others to get our work and daily chores done. Molding into the realm of changing situations and surroundings, doesn’t do any harm, but makes one more global in the mindset. The human characteristics of laziness come secondary to the aspects of learning something new. Economic diversity constitutes towards one’s ability to learn to do things independently or being dependent.

Life: Having Life’s charm on your facial expressions what never gets boring. While walking down the busy streets buzzing with people all around, I have encountered people wearing their religion on their faces, businessmen their corporate ethics, IT evangelists the nerdy look, women their marital status and children their innocence. On the flip side, I have also struggled to encounter any people on the streets during weekend daylight, the one’s whom I have encountered have their faces blended with arrogance, egoism and ice-cold expressions. You never get tired to experience and blend so diversified facial expressions to understand human nature around you.

Live for the moment because if we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves!!


The Holstee Manifesto

Looking for the answers to the very simple four letter question called “LIFE”, we come across different circumstances, situations and people on our daily basis trying to understand the basic principle of our own existence on this planet of Home Sapiens. On examining our actions, we always wonder how could we bring that bright little sunshine on our lives and the lives of the people around us. However, some of us are either too afraid to change themselves and some are too busy in analyzing their past-failures. We forget that living every moment of our lives with passion and enthusiasm could help us realize our own dreams by enjoying every moment of emotion we experience and start doing the things we love the most. Remember, you start this little journey of Life by crawling, you learn to walk and then to run, however one must fall to experience how beautiful it is to rise and walk again but never say STOP until it’s all-over!

This Message is a call to action to live a life full of intention, creativity, passion and community.

This is your LIFE, do what you love and do it often.

If you don’t like something, CHANGE it. If you don’t like your Job, QUIT. If you don’t have enough time, STOP watching TV.

If you are looking for the LOVE of your life, Stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love.

Stop OVER-ANALYZING, life is simple. All emotions are beautiful. When you eat, appreciate every last bite.

Open your mind, arms and heart to new things and people, we are UNITED in our differences. Ask the next person you see what their passion is, and share your inspiring dream with them.

TRAVEL often; getting lost will help you find yourself. Some opportunities only come once, seize them.

Life is about the PEOPLE you meet; and the things you create with them. So go out and start creating.



Nostalgia  /näˈstaljə/ – A sentimental longing for past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations. – Wikipedia

I drown down into the pool of memories and sentimentally yearn for the happiness every time I return Home or meet people with happy personal associations for many reasons; to please my soul, to challenge the elements in the changing course of this journey of life and for the novelty or for nostalgia but most importantly for the joy in seeing and feeling the nostalgia deep within the soul. A wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in life or to homeland, family and friends sparks an inner joy and happiness, mixed with lots of emotions, waves of ups and downs in past and motivation for fruitful times to come associated with strong foundations of childhood memories.

Perspective and Objectivity are two important scientific terms associated with Distance which is equally applicable in every segment of life. A distance from the memories and pleasing associations sharpens one’s perspective in general in viewing goals and analyzing one’s own self as well as framing objectives placed at right focal point. During this journey of life, we start flipping through the pages of book every single passing day with many rough and smooth edges over the flipping phase. Nostalgia re-flips through the old pages and removes those rough edges from good old days making us re-visualize our journey through the tough times in reaching the peak of success and achieving our desired goals.

Now someone might argue, Why Nostalgia? To support the phenomena of ‘Why Nostalgia’, imagine climbing a staircase towards a thin beam of light guiding us towards our endless destination in our path of life. At any stage of the Staircase, when we look downwards we see steps, the steps which we have climbed to reach at the position where we are now and that particular step is again a starting step for the endless number of steps to be climbed thereafter. Tomorrow we will be someplace else, therefore what’s so exciting about Nostalgia? One can self-evaluate the answer after revisiting those steps one climbed to reach at the present times and correlate those steps with the elements of struggle, toil efforts, joyousness, happiness, screams and tears of emotions which were encountered during that phase of climbing. Does that mean that you want the things to stay the same as defined by Nostalgia? Changes for the betterment always shadow past success and create new goals and destination laying foundations for Nostalgia essential not just for good old days but better old days and there is an infinite limit to define the term as ‘Best’. To be honest, sometimes I prefer the mystic clouds of Nostalgia to the real things.

The times one lived through and the people one shared those times with, encapsulates everything to one mixed bag. It does a job of storing memories which when combined together tells a story of life. Nostalgia is a way for all of us to find peace in that which we have accomplished, or even failed to accomplish. A the same time, if nostalgia precipitates actions to return to fabled time in one who believes his life to be a failure, then it’s an empty thing, doomed to produce nothing but frustration and an even greater sense of failure. The essentiality of past is to learn from and let it go as you can’t revisit it, it vanishes but you can definitely relish the lessons learned from it. It is ironically strange how we actually hold on to the segments of the past while we wait for our future, essentially enjoying every moment of the present laid by the memories of the past for a better future.

There is something incredibly nostalgic and significant about the shadows of the setting sun, annual cascade of autumn leaves, chirping of the morning birds, sensation of the falling rain drops, shining of the stars in the moonlit night sky, view of the smoke out of the chimney, look and expression of the faces around, ticking of clock and silence of the night. I wish to live in this Incredible World of Nostalgia forever.

Biking – A Metaphor for Life

‘Life is like a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving’Albert Einstein.

Riding a bicycle is one of the greatest metaphors for living life. Every simple living characteristics can be metaphorically connected to riding a bike whose passenger is it’s engine. A journey of thousand miles begins with a single step, similarly a bicycle ride around the world begins with a single pedal stroke.

I always find joy and inner peace in exploring different forms of nature in varied forms of environmental and climatic conditions to appreciate beautiful aspects of nature to realize the real definition of humanity. Cycling around is one of the ways to get closer to your inner soul while exploring beautiful forms of nature which brings one close to his own self. One such instance is while driving across Neckartalradweg this weekend (http://www.fahrrad-tour.de/Neckar/UebNecka.htm), I experienced this sensation of joy after biking for almost 200 Kms in more than 12 Hours. The 4D: Desire, Direction, Dedication and Discipline what I consider to be the basic foundation and principles of my life hold true during every pedal stroke of biking towards your destination and goal.

When the spirits are low, the darkness mounts, the work becomes monotonous, no shadows of hope, just mount a bike and go for a spin on the road without a thought about anything else but the ride you are taking and you will start seeing the thin beam of light brightening the dark world around you with new hopes and new desires. Success is not a destination, it’s a journey and that applies to every segment of both life and biking.

Geek & Poke

A few excerpts from Geek and Poke related to the life of coders, testers, project management and simplifying the logic of some basic principles such as ‘Hell0 World’ !

It’s Compiling…

Another post in last 24 hours which leaves me wondering from where I can gather so much spare time from amidst such a busy work schedule. I googled myself today morning and found an interesting explanation regarding a directly propotional relationship between my profession and time.

Now if you are already working on computers busy having piles of code to execute or developing a website or hacking into servers, you can categorize yourself where actually you can gather such free time from. Damn, I gotto work now but hey,my code is still compliling…what the heck,let’s grab a beer!!

WTFs / Minute !!

I was all tangled up with the series of cables connecting microcontroller units and embedded modules today morning while trying to understand the concepts of API (Application Programming Interface) to integrate a control unit into a network when suddenly on experiencing a glitch in a piece of code on which I have been working upon, I uttered unknowingly, ”Dude, Wtf is this shit ??’

To take a break and get some more caffeine concentration running in my nerves, when I got up to grab a cup of Cappuccino, I bumped across one of the many interesting geek webcomics which have been placed at random locations and notice boards in office premises. This one was quite interesting stating about the only valid measurement of a code quality.

So now I have set a measurement criterio to actually analyse the quality of my code. Coincidently ‘WTF’ has been getting a grip over me since yesterday when I noticed my manager wearing a black T-Shirt with the slogan ‘WTF ??’ !! I was quite surprised when I came across him wearing such such a T-Shirt in the office premises but straightaway I passed him a compliment : ‘ Nice T-Shirt Boss’ . He started laughing and replied, ‘When I bought this T-shirt I didn’t know actually what is the meaning of Wtf’ !!’ Are you kidding me ?? Atleast now this gives me freedom to wear my binary finger T-Shirt at work and say I know how to count only in decimals !!